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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Campgrounds - Bathrooms - 400 lb. naked men

I am well aware that everyone wants to know about the 400 lb naked man, I will tell you that story somewhere in here but you have to read the whole thing to find it. You really didn't think I would make it easy did you.

First a little lesson on a MH bathroom, tiny is just to big of a description, so think minuscule. Our bathroom is located in the middle of the MH you have to pass through it going to or coming from the bedroom. The layout is Sink and shower on one side and the toilet in a small closet sized enclosure on the other side. The MH is only 8 feet wide so you have 2.5 feet of hall in the middle of the bath that leaves 2.5 feet for the toilet and 3 feet for the shower and sink. When using the toilet, at least for me, it is best to drop the pants and back in, that is not a sight that DW looks forward to every morning. Now the shower is another little problem. It is basically the same size as the toilet area. Just getting in the shower is like running an obstacle course, the cats litter box, food and water are located in front of the door. Now getting in is ok I can stretch out that much, but getting out is another thing. There is no way to dry off in the shower so it is necessary to get out first. Gets a little tricky because your wet feet tend to slip in the shower and not being as agile as the cats it better than even odds that one or the other foot will end up in the litter box which creates another set of problems. Now the DW being a good bit smaller then me has no problem and does not wish to see me laying naked in the hall with cat litter on my feet has suggest and alternative to showering in the RV. The "Comfort Station".

Every Rv Campground has a restroom/shower combination that for some unknown reason they decided to refer to as a Comfort Station.  In the men's you will find a couple of toilets, a couple of urinals, a sink or two and 3-5 showers which a small stalls with a shower curtain across the entrance. The problem with that is they seem to take one curtain and cut into thirds therefor avoiding having the buy 3 curtains. These tiny curtains do not in anyway seal of the opening so privacy is nonexistent. But that's ok I'm not bashful and have seen my share of naked men, so no problem. Where the problem comes in is following the DW's instruction on how to shower properly in a public shower.  First thing I need was shower shoes because unknown to me there are dangers lurking in the shower. Who would of thought that that with all the hot water and soap being used that a zillion different fungus are lurking just waiting to attack a shoeless foot. Ok, I'm adaptable I got shower shoes, must be working no fungus yet. DW really takes good care of me. DW went on to explain that when done showering you dry off your feet then you dry the shoes off befor putting them back on to walk back to the MH. So far so good in theory. Heres the problem, you dry your body first then lift one leg and dry the foot, then pick up the shoe and dry it, put it on then repeat with the other foot. Are you seeing the problem yet. Here I am dancing around on one leg in a slippery shower naked. I know I have to wait till the foot is dry before putting on my pants, you might want to try this in the privacy of your own bathroom before going to a comfort station,  hopping around on one foot, pulling pants up that leg while avoiding all contact with fungus infected surfaces of the shower. Ok got the pants on one leg, the dry foot in the dry shoe. Now it's just a matter of holding the pants up with one hand, holding the towel on the other hand while drying that foot. That is difficult but doable. Now it's just a matter of holding the pants in one hand, the towel in one hand and picking the shoe up for drying with the third hand your going to need. WARNING!!! If you do not have three hands you can not use the shower in the comfort station without being in danger of fungus infection.

Now comes the 400lb man part of the story.  Being a fairly inteligent person I found a solution to the showering/drying/fungus problem. On the wall opposite the shower is usually a small bench, I figure that all this drying of feet and shoes is best done sitting down. It is s simple thing to wrap a towel around my waist walk to the bench and sit down, but then I have the towel around me and not available for drying. The only way to solve this problem is to walk out naked sit on the bench, dry the feet then the shoes pull the pants on while sitting. Ok, what could be the problem with that? Well number one DW tells me there all kinds on nasty germs on the bench so my naked butt should not touch it. Number two is that it is a public building so there is always someone in there. I decided it is impossible to protect my feet from fungus and my butt from germs so I am willing to sacrifice my butt to keep my feet safe. (Tara just figured butt workers would keep me safe there.) If anyone is wondering about butt workers call Tara she is a trained professional and can explain it better than me.  Ok while showering it is common to see other naked men hopping on one foot while following the orders of their DW. That is not a problem to see them or them to see me but in Nashville while doing my one foot drying dance I backed out of the shower just a hopping and a drying and came face to face with a naked 400lb man doing the same dance which is ok just a matter of hopping in a different direction. The problem came when he thought it was social hour at the comfort station. He begins to talk about the weather where hes from and asking questions. That became the one and only time I said fungus be damned I''m out of here. So out the door I went hopping on one leg while pulling my pants up all the way across the campground. The nightmares of that experience are starting to fade and I am actually beginning to enjoy the showers of the comfort station.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHA! I couldn't stop laughing...again. I've read this like 3 times and every time it's funny!